DARE YE VOW ON AN OATHING STONE?
Hearken back now to a time long ago when the land was always viewed as the home of the ancestors. Everyone knew that the spirits of loved ones who had died now guided and protected those still walking the earth. Everyone understood that physical survival in this world depended on spiritual connections to the Other World.
A stone that came from the land of the ancestors bridged the worlds of here and beyond. To swear an oath with your hand on a sacred stone forged an invisible link to your ancestors. Break your oath and you break your connection. You risk survival in this world and the next.
If your clan knew you’d broken your vow, their support would also be in jeopardy. At best, you’d be shunned. At worst, you’d be driven from the village. If you didn’t honor a commitment to your ancestors, how could you be trusted?
The passing of time has changed how many view the existence of the Otherworld, and with it, the sanctity of stones. Beliefs that were unquestioned centuries ago now fall to superstition, horror stories, jokes.
Even for those of us who do believe in an Otherworld, our ability to connect with our ancestors the way previous generations did has also changed. That might be due, in some part, to the fact that we’re a mobile society. Our ancestors are like colorful bits of beach glass from every continent, shifting in a grand kaleidoscope. Few of us have a stone from the plot of land where we were born. Still fewer of us have set foot on the land of our ancestors.
Still, we can feel a connection to them even if we know little or nothing about them. We can still feel an emotional attachment to a place even if it’s not where we were born, even if it has no connection to our ancestors.
OATHING STONES IN WEDDINGS
Couples getting married might feel a connection to the university campus where they met, to the vineyard where they had their first date, to the hiking trail where they had their first serious argument that revealed the importance of the relationship, to the beach where they got engaged.
Layer the memories and a connection that began as physical becomes emotional and, for some, spiritual. Connection. Commitment. Continuity. These qualities inspire and strengthen a couple’s wedding vows.
As a wedding officiant, I know that today’s couples are more open than ever to including creative rituals in their ceremony. Couples who place their hands on a stone when making their vows can enrich a nondenominational ceremony with a symbol of the natural world as opposed to a symbol of a specific religion.
The logistics are simple. As the officiant, I hold the oathing stone so the guests can see it and I say a few words about its meaning. I can continue to hold the stone while the couple places their hands on it when they make their vows. Or, I might invite grandparents or parents to come up and hold the stone. Or the couple can take turns holding the stone for each other, or hold the stone together.
However the stone is held, I believe it will absorb the vibration of the couple’s love for each other and the love of all who have gathered with them. Infused with that love, the oathing stone becomes a literal touchstone for the marriage.
Imagine the couple celebrating each anniversary by holding the stone and repeating their wedding vows or making new vows for the coming year.
THE FIRST LOOK
Back to the day of the wedding. …. An oathing stone can enrich “the first look.” That’s when the couple sees each other for the first time on their wedding day – before the ceremony. The first look is just for the couple and their photographer. It’s meant to give the couple a moment to quiet their nerves, to share a private reflection on the rite of passage they’re about to go through.
The choreography is usually for one person to stand in position. The other person comes up from behind. The two people don’t see each other’s faces until one taps the other on the shoulder and he or she turns around. Ta Da!
As a ritualist, I’ve always thought the emotions in the first look could be deepened with – you guessed it – a ritual. Imagine the groom holding an oathing stone. When the bride taps him on the shoulder, he turns to her holding the symbol of eternity, endurance, abundance, faithfulness, and trust. Imagine he has infused the stone with love. The bride places her hand on the stone, too. Later, when they make their vows during the ceremony, they do so holding the stone, or simply having it on a little table or altar in the ceremony space.
I used the words “bride” and “groom” only for ease of explanation. Love is love. That needs no explanation.
What’s on the stone? That depends. A few years ago, I officiated at a wedding in the garden of the historic Webb Dean Stevens Museum in Old Wethersfield, Connecticut. The groom was a Scotsman, surname Douglas.
To honor his Celtic heritage, I made a handfasting cord and incorporated ribbon in his Douglas clan tartan. I also painted an oathing stone with the Celtic symbol – the ogham – for the word “gra” meaning love.
The couple had family and friends who had flown over from England and Scotland for the wedding. They appreciated seeing symbols of their heritage.
A FAMILY HEIRLOOM
The stone has all the markings of a treasured heirloom for generations to come. Imagine the oathing stone being used at the wedding of the couple’s children…and their children…and on and on. Imagine a family member building a box for the stone, or making a quilt in which to wrap the stone., or weaving a nest of willows so the stone can be displayed in the home. Imagine the stone on the table at Thanksgiving the first time the couple hosts the holiday.
