In the summer between the third and fourth grades, I read The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum thirty-four times. With each reading, I felt certain I would find the secret that would help me endure that difficult summer. It would be decades before I realized that simply having the right shoes did not guarantee magic. It was using the right shoes in a ritual that empowered the farm girl to get her wish.
The power of ritual stayed with me. Now, as a Life-Cycle Celebrant®, I’m always thinking of creative ways to ensure that every wedding reflects something personal and distinctive about my couples, that every funeral and memorial honors a life and legacy, and that every seasonal celebration connects the participants with energy that’s ancestral and meaning that’s marrow-deep.
We’re all familiar with the birthday cake and candles, the midnight countdown on December 31, the tasseled cap toss on graduation day. We see a couple walking hand-in-hand. Suddenly, one of them takes a knee and presents a ring. We don’t need to hear the conversation to know the question being asked. In seconds, we know the answer and congratulate the couple. We see a woman in black at a military funeral. A uniformed officer places a tricornered American flag into her shaking hands. We know why.
These are commonly recognized rituals, visible acts performed with invisible intent. When we participate in rituals that are deeply woven into the fabric of our community, we feel connected in a tribal way to something, even if we can’t define what that something is. Call the connection religious. Call it spiritual. Whether we follow an organized religion or we have bushwhacked our own spiritual or philosophical path, we know we are part of something bigger than ourselves.
From my perspective as a Life-Cycle Celebrant, the number of spiritual bushwhackers is growing. On the plus side, the spiritually independent are more confident in defining their own spiritual beliefs. On the negative, the bushwhacked path can be lonely. Where is the community celebration of a spring resurrection or an autumn harvest? How does a family welcome the birth of a baby? Where is the community expression of comfort for those in mourning?
When we, or someone we love, goes through a rite of passage, we need the alchemical blend of jubilation and gravitas. I see it firsthand in weddings and funerals. We bemoan that those milestones are the only times families get together. We make the effort because, despite our busy lives, we want to witness the passage. We want to support those going through it. We value these events for our contemporary connections and because they are touchstones that connect generations. Our collective presence creates an emotional vortex where our joy or our sorrow is seasoned with our own memories and the kind of stories that spice commercials from ancestry.com. A good, spiritual ritual can enhance the joy or soften the sorrow. We need them now more than ever.
(This post is taken from an article originally published in Spirituality & Health magazine.)
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